


Take Me To Church || MiniManny

by BorkiBarnes



Category: The Ultimate Sidemen
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Character Death, M/M, Sad, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 15:57:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12413319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BorkiBarnes/pseuds/BorkiBarnes
Summary: He was my lightMy saviorMy graceMy everythingAnd now he is dead.All because I couldn't control myself. I became addicted. I drove off all of my relationships. I killed himTake me to Church - Hozier





	Take Me To Church || MiniManny

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: THIS WRITING DOES CONTAIN DETAILS THAT COULD TRIGGER PAST EXPERIENCES OR PRESENT ONES:
> 
> Cutting
> 
> Smoking
> 
> Alcohol
> 
> Drugs
> 
> Violence
> 
> Suicide
> 
> Death.
> 
> A reminder: None of these situations are ones that can be joked around with. I write to inform others that this is a real issue and people need to be aware of it. I don't intend to hurt anyone.

'My lovers got humor  
He’s the giggle at a funeral  
Knows everybody’s disapproval  
I should’ve worshiped him sooner'

He stared at his phone blankly. Shivers and trembles filled the vast space of Simon’s room. He could see the red. The crimson taste of blood that coated his hands, splattered around the room and all over his face. Why did he do this?

'If the heavens ever did speak  
He’s the last true mouth piece  
Every Sunday’s getting more bleak  
A fresh poison each week'

Images blinded his sight. His smile shone with millions of rays. His eyes told the stories that an old man could die for. The little laughter lines that creased whenever Simon would open his mouth. The dimples on his face that he loved to trace. But it was no longer.

'“We were born sick”  
You heard them say it  
My church offers no absolutes  
He tells me “worship in the bedroom”'

More images plagued his mind. His first ever ex. A girl. The one who would beat him for his failures and then steal his money from his successes. Mottled bruises and scars littered his back as he would hide with his lanky limbs wrapped around him. Leaving his back exposed. People would ask why he doesn’t take his shirts off around anyone, camera or not. He was insecure.

'The only heaven I’ll be sent to  
Is when I’m alone with you  
I was born sick, but I love it  
Command me to be well'

His second ex. Another girl. A gold digger. Yet again. Clingy. Bitchy. He would go to film a video, only to be screamed at by this bitch about how he was cheating on her. She would leave in tears, get drunk, have sex with someone else and come back pretending it was fine. But he was still in the wrong. He knew, but he loved her. When she left to her husband of 5 years when they had been dating 3, he began smoking. A way to release stress. Still, no one knew.

'Amen, Amen, Amen'

On to number 3 now. His first guy. One of many. He was sweet at first. At first. Slowly, he became reliant on his boyfriend to provide him with his money. The money Simon worked so hard for. Eventually, he lost his job. Slowly, the sweet man he once knew became a druggy. A bad one. Always stoned whenever Simon was around. He still leached off of Simon to be able to survive from his habit. He died. Overdosed. So, Simon tried drugs.

'Take me to church  
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife  
Offer me that deathless death  
Good god, let me give you my life'

His second guy now. This one lasted. An entire year. He was the one who brought Simon out of drugs and into rehab. Only to fall into alcohol. Simon was so whipped that he didn’t realise. Whenever they went at it, there was a camera in the corner. HIS CAMERA. Slowly, Simon became a porn star. Unwillingly. Both in the relationship agreed that they weren’t to do anything to pleasure themselves until the other arrived. So, Simon didn’t use PornHub for the entire year. Only when his ‘boyfriend’ left unexpectedly, Simon found out. His new release, was now alcohol.

'No masters or kings when the ritual begins  
There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin  
In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene  
Only then I am human  
Only then I am clean'

Ridden by all of his faults, Simon fell into a dry period. In that time, he took up cutting. Notice how he always wore hoodies? Of course, no one questioned it. NO ONE ever knew about his relationships, his past. He kept it so well hidden that no one ever found out about his insecurities. Blood falls down the drain, no lives lost at Simon’s fault. Yet. Until him.

'Amen, Amen, Amen'

He was Simon’s saving grace. He was there whenever he fell down. Whenever he relapsed. He knew EVERYTHING. And still, no one else found out. He held Simon, looked after him, was good to him. But not every couple is perfect. They fought. Occasionally. Small things too. It was another hidden relationship. Simon snapped at him. His saving grace. He drove him off.

'Take me to church  
I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife  
Offer me that deathless death  
Good God, let me give you my life'

Simon pushed him away. So, he drove off. Literally. Simon sat mourning at him, when his heart broke. Glass flew everywhere. Metal quietly called out, giving way to the opposition. GTR flying. Blood everywhere. 2 people dead.  
Simon lost 2 that night. Ethan. His best friend. Driving to film with them, including him.  
He couldn’t bring himself to the second name. His infamous red gaming chair lay at his feet. Tight cord wrapped and knotted through his fingers. No longer should he suffer. He has been too damaged. Beyond repair. He kicked the chair, life dulling from his azure eyes.  
He lost the love of his life.   
Simon Minter died on the 6th of September 2017. A day before his birthday.  
He died from a broken heart.

'Take me to church  
I’ll worship you like a dog at the shrine of your lies  
I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife  
Offer me that deathless death  
Good God, let me give you my life'

The world mourned. Another life lost. The Sidemen fell apart. Personal reasons and oh, you know, 2 dead. No one else died, thankfully. They had their own releases.

Cutting

Alcohol

Drugs

Abuse

Crime

Simon regrets it. He looks down now. He was selfish. A cruel, cruel human being. No wonder people always left him. He died, he knew there was no going back, no way to change it.

He could have saved Manny though.


End file.
